Homeward bound

Well, I just booked a round trip flight to Oxnard. I couldn't be more excited about it!!! Unfortunately my hubby cannot go with me and that makes us both very sad. But, I get to see my mom and dad, and I was in so much denial about how much I have missed them. Not to mention the kids! My niece and nephews. My older brothers 3 kids. Shandi, the oldest, and the only girl, will be 16 in June. Joshua, the middle, turned 14 in October and Nathan, the baby, just turned 12 in April.

When I was still living in Cali, I was these kids secondary caregiver. That is to say, I was the daycare. I took care of them while my brother and sister in law went to work each day. I changed their diapers, I made their breakfasts and lunches and I felt as though I was making a difference in their lives. Shandi was only 5 when I left California. Now she is about to turn 16. I have missed so much of their lives. 10th birthdays, lost teeth, first report cards, first crushes, baseball and basketball games and swim meets. The more i think about this, the more sad I become. I am not unhappy with my life now. I love my husband with all my heart and he loves me. We have built a great life together, and I am looking forward to all that lies ahead. But, I have always regretted missing them grow up. Those kids are so much a part of my heart. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have kids of my own. I will probably implode. :-)

Hopefully I will know what it means very soon. The oldest, Shandi, could not pronounce my name when she was growing up, so it came out "Deedee". This is what they all call me, and always have. Though they spell it "Dede". So Aunt Dede it was, and is. Anyway, I can't wait to see them. If I win the lottery I am moving back to Cali. Unfortunately that it what it would take. It costs a fortune to live there now. So I am stuck here in the midwest. Kansas of all places. Who would have thought that this Valley Girl would end up in Kansas??

Anyway, I will leave on the 2nd of July and return on the 10th. I am so excited about this trip, that part of me is already sad about coming back. I'm a weird.