At last!!!!!

Well, it has finally happened. I got a call from my realtor yesterday morning. This damn house is finally under contract. Barring any unusual or unforeseen circumstances, we close on April 29. The original offer was made 2 weeks ago, but we were stuck in negotiations. We finally came to a fair mutual agreement and the new owner is slated to sign the paperwork today. WHEW! I can't believe its finally over. Now it's time to start a new "dance" negotiating for a new house in Stillwater. Beau looked at several houses last weekend with video camera in hand. He seemed really excited about one house. We watched the video this weekend during his monthly visit. I agree. The house he found looks really great, and it seems to fulfill all our wishes, needs and wants. Including a room perfect for the new "Beau M. Bar and Ville". Just hope we can get a bid on it and under contract ASAP. If all goes according to plan, (Famous last words) we will be closing May 2nd, or hopefully sometime that week at any rate.

I know I should be more excited than I am, but now that this house is under contract, there is a whole new set of things to worry about. Once I know we have a solid contract on the new house, and our loan has been secured, I will be able to relax and look forward to the move. I will try not to stress out, but I know me, I will worry till the bitter end. *sigh*

So the house is sold!!! Thank you to everyone who has been sending the positive vibrations my way. These last 6 months have been hard on both Beau and I. Being apart has been both a hardship and a blessing. But alas, there is light at the end of the tunnel and it's not an oncoming train. Now, if you would all switch from selling vibes to buying vibes!! More as it comes to me.

2nd Anniversary

Today is the 2nd year anniversary of the day I married Beau. We can't be together today, but I wrote him a poem as a gift. I hope he doesn't mind, but I thought I would share it with you.

As I look back at my future,
What did I see
Through the eyes of a child
I wondered "What would I be?"
And who was the man
That would steal my heart?
Who would love me right from the start?
I will love him and he'll feel the same
He will protect me and I'll take his name.
But children grow up and dreams fade away
Thoughts of my future lost along the way.
I got to a place
In my heart and my head
That love was a dream
Long past and long dead
So I closed my eyes on that child's dream come true
Til the day they were opened by the wonder of you.
All that I lost
All I thought I had missed
I found once again
In the truth of your kiss
Years have gone by
as we've shared our life
You are now my husband
and I am your wife
As I look back at my future
What did I see?
The love in your eyes as you look back at me.

I hope you all enjoyed it as much as he did.

Winter sucks

I think I have finally figured out why it is I hate winter so much. I think it is not so much the cold and the snow, but the depression that comes with lack of sunlight. I am not the kind of person that has ever spent any time in the sun. (Ask any one of my friends, I'm so white I am blue) LOL But, anyway, I realize as I emerge from the cocoon of grey, that I do indeed suffer from winter depression.

As Spring creeps up on us, I find myself waking up feeling refreshed and joyful in anticipation of the day. I have noticed the Cardinals returning to my backyard, there are bunnies and squirrels once again bounding through my yard. I noticed this morning that there are hundreds of tiny buds on the fruit tree of mystery in my backyard. (I am almost certain it is an apricot tree) I have always loved spring. The renewal of life turns me on. The tulips are like an unwritten promise that "it" will get better.Even the smell of the air is different.

Ahhhh......I love Spring.

What a day

Man. When I woke up this morning, it was 60 degrees in my house. I was like "Wha?" I have the thermostat set at 68. So of course I checked to make sure the heater was on. It was. "Oh shit!" I ran down to the furnace and sure as shit, the fires were out. First thought "I paid the bill right? Yeah, I know I paid the bill. Did I pay the bill??! Of course i paid the bill." Yes, I had indeed paid the bill. At first glance, I thought that the water heater pilot was out as well. So I called the gas company. I ran the water in the kitchen sink, hot water VERY hot water. Hmmm... OK.

Back down to the basement, water heater pilot is fine and is now running. Gas man shows up like 2 minutes after I called. He checked the furnace, and said that the pilot wasn't working right and that something called a thermocoupling needed to be replaced. OK....called a heating and cooling place. Line was busy, so I called a different one. No problem, "Someone will be over today." About 10 or 15 minutes later, they arrive. Pilot needed cleaning, and thermocoupling was replaced. $70.00 Not as bad as I thought it would be. One of the guys "Daniel" asks "Are you just moving in? Or are you selling your house." Odd question, or maybe he is just trying to make small talk. I said "We are selling." So I told him the story, with the 8x10 color glossy photographs with the pictures and the arrows on the back of each one explaining what each one is to be used as evidence against us.

Anyway, I asked "Do you know someone who wants to buy a house?" He says, "My wife and I are currently looking." "Oh really. Well, do you want a tour?" "Sure!" he says. So I gave the 5 cent tour. He seemed really enthusiastic and kept making comments on how 'he really likes this, or how great that is'. Then he asked if he could have a flyer. I of course obliged. So I don't know if anything will come of it, but it was encouraging nonetheless. I took my shower and began to get ready for work. Puttered around a bit, made the bed loaded and started the dishwasher.

Now it was time to start the car, so it can warm up for the drive to work. I get in and put in the key. 'Click' "Oh no" 'Click" "Shit!" 'Click" "SUNNOFAFUCKINGBITCH!"

Called Beau. He didn't know what I should do either. So I pulled all the fuses from under the hood. Looked at them, and put them back. One more try, just because. Turn the key. Vroom!! A miracle! It started.

OK...off to work. It's snowing like hell, turn on the wipers. The wipers work, but no contact withe the windsheild on the drivers side. Pull over, futz with the blade. Wipe off the windsheild. Back on the road. Still no contact. Go about a mile. Pull over again. Futz, wipe, drive. Damnit!! OK....one more try. Pull over, futz, wipe, drive. OK.....seems to be better. Finally get to work almost 10 minutes late. I had started my car at 12:08. It takes 12 minutes to get to work. I was due to start at 1:00. You do the math.

OK...get to work. Help to put together a display. Snowing REALLY hard now. Get a call from corporate offices. "Go home at 4." Due to the snow. OK....start the car at 3:45 to warm up for the drive home. 4:06 leave the store. Wipers are still OK. Whew. But roads are totally untreated. Scary, hairy, nervewracking drive home. Arrive home at 4:57.

The point of this little story?? I should have stayed in bed!!!

Always look on the bright side of life

Well, it's official. My husband now has an apartment in OKC. While he has been living down there for some time now, it was only after he got an actual address that made it feel really REAL. It has been hard living alone in this big house. While I have developed a routine and have gotten used to it, it has not become any easier. I miss him terribly on an hourly basis. Thank god I have a job that I really enjoy. While I miss him constantly, its great to have something to do that lowers the awareness of the situation. If only briefly. Oddly enough, this is the first time I have ever lived alone. What kind of Karmic bullshit is this??? Of all the people I have lived with in the past, THIS man of mine is the one I never want to be apart from. Steph, my best friend, joked the other day "Why couldn't your ex-husband have had a job like this?" I still laugh at this. We probably would have gotten along better if he had just been away. LOL.

But I digress. I love my husband and would not go back to the time I didn't have him in my life for all the money in the world. It's simply tragic irony that we are not together. There have been times when I have really felt sorry for myself. This is no easy task, as I have never been any good at self pity. I always try to find examples of why I should be glad "At least I'm not THAT guy." This situation has proven to be no different. My latest reality check came to me yesterday. I had a customer in my store whose husband is in Iraq. I thought to myself. "At least I KNOW Beau and I will be together again."

There are hundreds of men and women whose loved ones are in Iraq, and there is no guarantee that those people will come home. My heart broke for her. Though she had a smile on her face, and seemed to be in a good mood. Inside I was thinking that she must worry all the time. I have always been the one to point out, that "Its all relative." Now, I'm not so sure. For her, knowing that at any moment "They" could show up at her door is far more stressful than not knowing when my house will sell. Also, recently my best friend lost his mother to sudden heart failure. I have nothing to compare this to. I cannot begin, nor would I presume, to act as though I understand how he feels. Perhaps it is a sign of some of the wisdom that comes with age. But, I look at situations like this, and realize, this isn't relativity, it's reality. Or perhaps it is simply that I have developed more empathy as I have gotten older. Either way, I try to remind myself that this is temporary, and that when all is said and done, our lives will be better.

I love you Beau.
Ciao, peeps...until next time.

The written word, and other stuff

I have been reading a lot lately, mostly to pass the time but also because I truly love to read and have made so many excuses not to the last few years or so. I have read the occasional crotch novel now and then (4 Harlequins in an afternoon while having a garage sale), but I wanted to get back into reading books with a bit more intelligence. I finally went and purchased myself a copy of "The Good Earth" by Pearl S. Buck. To be honest, I have sort of put off reading this particular novel as I know there would be a great deal of past life flashbacks. And I wasn't sure I would be ready for some of them. Also, I have what I call "P.N.D." post novel depression. I get so close to the people I am reading about, that when I am finished with a really great book, I miss those people so terribly. This book was no exception. I usually wait sometime before getting into another novel, but I decided to pick up another anyway.

I am now reading The Da Vinci Code. I started it yesterday and about halfway through. I LOVE THIS BOOK!!! Besides loving a good mystery, I am intrigued by the factual data conveyed in the story. Also, I really appreciate the fact that one must possess a higher than average intelligence to truly understand and enjoy this book. I found out today that the movie is in the works. Ron Howard director and Tom Hanks is slated to play the lead. To be released sometime in 2006. I look forward to seeing how well such an intricate story will convey to the big screen.

I have found a lot of time to read, because at the moment I am living alone. Beau is now officially living and working in OK. He moved down there near the end of November. Needless to say this has been hard. He has been down there for the most part since the end of October. Staying for 2 weeks, home for a week. Then staying for 3 weeks, home for a week. But as of the 1st of December he had officially begun his duties in his new position in OKC. Being apart from one another has been very very difficult. But, the upswing of this, is that we really miss one another. That sounds crazy, but think about it. So, I fill my free time with cleaning house, playing with the dog, playing trivia games on mIRC and now, reading. The latter being the most enjoyable. Thank goddess I have a job that I really like. Not just for finances, but to fill most of my days.

Thats about all the update I can muster right now.
I love you Beau.

Life's little pleasures

I have been alone here at home for a week now, which has given me way too much time to think about shit. The following is my first top ten list. I like this one though. This is my top ten list of life's truly simple joys

10: The smell that permeates from a freshly opened can of coffee.
9: Sleeping in.
8: My cat "making bread" and purring next to my head as I fall asleep.
7: Baking brownies at midnight.
6: My neighbor waving at me as I drive by, even though we have never spoken a word.
5: Writing with a really good pen.
4: Turning to the classical station on the way to work, to find they are playing Mozart.
3: The sound of a newly opened box of wine pouring into a glass.
2: The first shave with a new razor blade.
1: A really good nap.

There are so may simple joys in life. It is amazing how much we take for granted. I will strive from now on to remember these things and to "stop and smell the roses" (so to speak) a bit more often.