OK, Seriously...

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. I had made an appointment to see a podiatrist for my weird ass toenails. I have been suffering from ingrown toenails on my big toes for several years. The left one had gotten so bad that I decided it was time to have some medical intervention. The appointment wasn't until 1:45, so I went to work as usual. Nothing remarkable about the work day really. I was nervous about the appointment, as I was fairly certain the doctor would opt to remove the offending nail, and possibly both of them.

Sometime around 10:00 a.m. or so, a lady walks into my office with a vase of flowers and a purple teddy bear. In my head I'm thinking "Huh? It's not Valentines day, and besides, Beau wouldn't do something like that." (Although I wish he would, if you are reading this honey, hint hint... ;) )

Anyway, she hands me the gifts and I read the card. "Good luck. You will be fine. We love you. Signed Your Duck family"

Awww, how sweet. They are from my co-workers. The duck thing is an inside joke. Long story, I may tell you later. Anyway, it was such a sweet gesture and I am touched.

Lashell, Megan and I order a big order of fried rice and eggrolls from a local Chinese restaurant (man, that was good), and soon after it is time to leave for the appointment. Lashell follows me home to drop off my car, and we go to the Doc.

After filling out all the friggin paper work, I am led into the exam room. Doc comes in and chats with me a bit, poking at my toes with a metal, pointy sharp weird.

"Does this hurt?"
"Uhhh, YEAH!"
"Is this tender?"
"Meh, not so much."
"I would stick this under your nail, but you probably wouldn't like me if I did."
My response: "Doc, I'm not sure I like you yet anyway."

The nurses roar with laughter. I was proud. Hehehe. The exam is complete. Not ingrown toenails after all, but some nasty syndrome called Subungual Exostosis. Apparently this happens to people in their 60s most commonly. Leave it to me to be before my time. I've always been a trend setter. *sigh*

Treatment? Yes, both toenails must be removed. I won't go into the procedure too much, as I kinda wanna puke when I think about it, but I will tell you that getting several shots of Lidocaine in your toes, is THE MOST PAINFUL THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED!!

After the first shot, the nurses looked at my face and one of them asked. "Do you want your bear?" Choking back tears and in a feeble whiny voice I hear myself say "Yeah, I think I do." The nurse hands me the bear, and I proceed to choke the hell outta this poor little thing. Silly as it may seem, I was so glad to have that bear. I closed my eyes and squeezed my little buddy and tried not to start bawling like a baby.

OK, OK, OK. Breathe, breathe breathe. Shots are done. Right toe is not going as numb as I would like, so one more shot. It's ok though, because it's mostly numb already and I hardly feel the needle.

After the nails are removed, the doc makes a small incision at the tip of my toes, to get to the spur underneath. This is where I almost puked. No pain or anything, but the sound of him scraping at the bone to get it reduced in size was almost enough to send me over the top. Once again the purple bear gets what's coming to him. Anyway. I'm bandaged up and sent on my merry way.

After this extremely stressful past hour, I'm dying for a cigarette, so I called work to let them know I was done and Megan could come get me, then I slipped outside to light up a smoke. Nothing remarkable about that. I watch as Megan turns into the parking lot where I am waiting. As she sees me I see her head go back in a fit of laughter. I catch a glimpse of myself in the windows of the clinic. Long black velvet peasant skirt, bright red shirt, tan medical sox, blue surgical booties and holding a purple teddy bear. I busted up laughing too. I seriously looked like a retard. And then I start walking, well shuffling, towards the car. Megan busts up again. I must have been a site. It still makes me laugh.

Megan took me to the drug store to fill my scripts and then she took me home, settled me on the couch and left me to my TV and healing process.

So I am stuck at home today, too. Suckiest part, I can't even do housework or anything. Just stuck with the tube, the computer, and maybe read a good book. Not too bad really, but I am not a sedentary person. I like doing "stuff".

Anyway, that was my interesting day. I'm hobbling back to the couch now. Hendrix, the purple teddy sits beside me.