There is someone in my past that has sprung to thought quite a lot lately. He and I were so close once. There was a time when we did everything together. We loved one another passionately, yet for some reason felt the constant need to tear one another down.
For the most part we were pretty good at building back up again, but after years of mutual abuse, it had become tiresome and (not without prompting) I finally walked away, figuratively tearing my shirt and having done with him. That was 8 years ago.
Though he and I have seen one another once since then, and even made an attempt to undo the damage, at the time it all seemed too little too late. But now I find myself wanting to reconnect. Not to bring things back to the way they were. That is neither possible nor desirable. But rather to open up a dialog with him once again. Start fresh.
We are both now pushing 40. We were both teenagers when we met. Two wounded souls grasping to make sense of this crappy, wonderful, hellishly sweet little world we live in. We both made a lot of mistakes, but, how does one forget years of love, laughter and devotion? Am I mistaken? Am I a fool? Will it be too much to hope for? As an adult, looking back, I realize now that it wasn't swords with which we chose to battle, but shields.
If you are reading this PTB, I would like to finally put down the defenses and get to know YOU.
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I think my shield is somewhere on a wall in a Renfest restaurant. When I see 18 and 19 year old kids now, and think of how we were tying to get along then, I'm amazed. I know I was just a baby trying to survive like a grown up.
Anyway, I have a ton to do at work, but I'm kind of squirrely today. Steph has my email, so I don't have to enter it here. I look forward to getting to know you, as well.
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