I have been reading a lot lately, mostly to pass the time but also because I truly love to read and have made so many excuses not to the last few years or so. I have read the occasional crotch novel now and then (4 Harlequins in an afternoon while having a garage sale), but I wanted to get back into reading books with a bit more intelligence. I finally went and purchased myself a copy of "The Good Earth" by Pearl S. Buck. To be honest, I have sort of put off reading this particular novel as I know there would be a great deal of past life flashbacks. And I wasn't sure I would be ready for some of them. Also, I have what I call "P.N.D." post novel depression. I get so close to the people I am reading about, that when I am finished with a really great book, I miss those people so terribly. This book was no exception. I usually wait sometime before getting into another novel, but I decided to pick up another anyway.
I am now reading The Da Vinci Code. I started it yesterday and about halfway through. I LOVE THIS BOOK!!! Besides loving a good mystery, I am intrigued by the factual data conveyed in the story. Also, I really appreciate the fact that one must possess a higher than average intelligence to truly understand and enjoy this book. I found out today that the movie is in the works. Ron Howard director and Tom Hanks is slated to play the lead. To be released sometime in 2006. I look forward to seeing how well such an intricate story will convey to the big screen.
I have found a lot of time to read, because at the moment I am living alone. Beau is now officially living and working in OK. He moved down there near the end of November. Needless to say this has been hard. He has been down there for the most part since the end of October. Staying for 2 weeks, home for a week. Then staying for 3 weeks, home for a week. But as of the 1st of December he had officially begun his duties in his new position in OKC. Being apart from one another has been very very difficult. But, the upswing of this, is that we really miss one another. That sounds crazy, but think about it. So, I fill my free time with cleaning house, playing with the dog, playing trivia games on mIRC and now, reading. The latter being the most enjoyable. Thank goddess I have a job that I really like. Not just for finances, but to fill most of my days.
Thats about all the update I can muster right now.
I love you Beau.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Life's little pleasures
I have been alone here at home for a week now, which has given me way too much time to think about shit. The following is my first top ten list. I like this one though. This is my top ten list of life's truly simple joys
10: The smell that permeates from a freshly opened can of coffee.
9: Sleeping in.
8: My cat "making bread" and purring next to my head as I fall asleep.
7: Baking brownies at midnight.
6: My neighbor waving at me as I drive by, even though we have never spoken a word.
5: Writing with a really good pen.
4: Turning to the classical station on the way to work, to find they are playing Mozart.
3: The sound of a newly opened box of wine pouring into a glass.
2: The first shave with a new razor blade.
1: A really good nap.
There are so may simple joys in life. It is amazing how much we take for granted. I will strive from now on to remember these things and to "stop and smell the roses" (so to speak) a bit more often.
10: The smell that permeates from a freshly opened can of coffee.
9: Sleeping in.
8: My cat "making bread" and purring next to my head as I fall asleep.
7: Baking brownies at midnight.
6: My neighbor waving at me as I drive by, even though we have never spoken a word.
5: Writing with a really good pen.
4: Turning to the classical station on the way to work, to find they are playing Mozart.
3: The sound of a newly opened box of wine pouring into a glass.
2: The first shave with a new razor blade.
1: A really good nap.
There are so may simple joys in life. It is amazing how much we take for granted. I will strive from now on to remember these things and to "stop and smell the roses" (so to speak) a bit more often.
Monday, October 11, 2004
The most bogus of holidays, and my first night alone
Well, it's Columbus day. What a joke!!! Just another excuse to close banks and Govt. institutions.
So, I made it through the first night without my Angel. I didn't sleep well and every little noise had me sitting up in bed. But, its morning and all is well. Thankfully I have a job to go to, if nothing else but to occupy my time. This next weekend will be the hardest. I am off the whole weekend and will be home with nothing to do and no one to talk to, except the cat and dog. I am hoping I will get "the phone call" today and get this damned house under contract. Although, the last couple to look at it didn't seem too excited and didn't stay very long. If nothing gives here pretty soon, we may have to break down and list it with a realtor. We really don't want to have to do that though, as it is a waste of money. Selling agents are bogus!!! An agent wouldn't really do anymore than we already have. But, we will see I guess. Like everything in life, we just have to be patient. Not an easy task.
Weel, I gots ta git ta werk. I will try to write more often. Beau, if you are reading this... I love you and I miss you sooo much.
So, I made it through the first night without my Angel. I didn't sleep well and every little noise had me sitting up in bed. But, its morning and all is well. Thankfully I have a job to go to, if nothing else but to occupy my time. This next weekend will be the hardest. I am off the whole weekend and will be home with nothing to do and no one to talk to, except the cat and dog. I am hoping I will get "the phone call" today and get this damned house under contract. Although, the last couple to look at it didn't seem too excited and didn't stay very long. If nothing gives here pretty soon, we may have to break down and list it with a realtor. We really don't want to have to do that though, as it is a waste of money. Selling agents are bogus!!! An agent wouldn't really do anymore than we already have. But, we will see I guess. Like everything in life, we just have to be patient. Not an easy task.
Weel, I gots ta git ta werk. I will try to write more often. Beau, if you are reading this... I love you and I miss you sooo much.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
Long overdue update
Well, here it is mid October and I am just getting around to posting again. Hard to know where to begin really.
Since I lost my job in March I have been on unemployment. I had been seeking employment here in the Leavenworth area, but could find nothing that would pay enough for us to live on. Sometime in June, Beau and I began to toy with the idea of moving to Oklahoma. It wasn't really meant to be a serious discussion. Just more of a passing comment. But, just for gits and shiggles, Beau talked to one of his bosses about their Oklahoma offices and would there be any work for him down there. Again, not really expecting a serious discussion. But lo and behold, it just so happened that the District Supervisor for the OK offices had just been fired and they needed a good replacement. Really?? Hmmm. "What are the chances you would consider me?"
Turns out the chances were better than good and the higher ups were absolutely thrilled about the prospect. They have a great deal of respect and admiration for him and just about jumped at the chance. So, ok... now we really ARE moving to OK. My best friend and his family live in Stillwater OK (Which is what prompted the first discussion to begin with.) So, it only made sense for us, that if we are moving all the way to OK, living in Stillwater was the only way to go. So we put the house up for sale and set out to find a new house in Stillwater. That was the beginning of August. Since then we have packed up most of our stuff, gotten rid of our sofa and loveseat and crossed our fingers everyday that this would be the day we got "the phonecall". We have had several people looking, but so far no reasonable offers. We have done a lot of painting and redoing of floors and general maintenance to make the place more appealing, but so far, the right people have not found the house yet. Or the house has not, as of yet, found them.
Upon our trip to Stillwater in August, we found the house of our dreams. (Well, of the the small reasonable realistic dreams anyway.) It is a really cool looking 2 bedroom 4 bath (yes, I said 4), with a kitchen to die for and 424 square feet of mostly unfinished space upstairs. I know this sounds more like a nightmare than a dream, but thee is just something about this house that we fell head over heels in love with. The snag, we have to get our house sold before we can even think about bidding. Or otherwise put in a Contingent upon sale clause in the contract.
Well after we got home, we deliberated, and decided to go ahead and put in the contingency bid. So I called our realtor, she got the paperwork together, we sent the earnest check and not 2 seconds after pushing the send button on her fax machine to send us the contract, her colleague walked into her office and stated "Oh, did you hear, that house on Will Rogers just went under contingency." We had been snaked out!!!!!! By another contingent!!! *sigh*
Broken hearted and with tears in my eyes, I called Beau and told him of this. Oh well, to be honest, we really needed that $500.00 earnest money to pay bills anyway. But, that was so not the point. Looking back, it would not have worked anyway, as here we are 2 full months later and still no offers on our current home.
Oh but wait there's more! About 2 weeks ago or so, I got an email from our OK realtor. "There were some title problems with the house you guys wanted, and the buyers cannot wait for them to fix it. They backed out. The current owners are going to get the problem fixed before they put it back on the market." The house is waiting for US!!! This is the second time a buyer has backed out. So the house KNOWS who is supposed to live there!! But, we are still in the same boat, "no selly no buyee". But, the traffic of lookers has picked up significantly. I suppose it is just a matter of time before the house picks its new owners.
Meantime, Beau's bosses need him to start work, so they have sent him to OK for 2 weeks. 2 WHOLE WEEKS!!! They made arrangements for a hotel, and he can visit with our friends on the weekend. That way he won't get too lonely and he can do his laundry too. But I hate this. He left this morning at 10. I didn't think I was going to, but as soon as he drove away, I started to cry. I am going to miss him so much. Luckily I have returned to working. I got a job a couple of weeks ago, just in the nick of time as my unemployment ran out. I sell carpet. I really enjoy this job too, which kinda sux because I know I cannot keep it. Oh well. We do what we gotta do in this life to take care of ourselves.
One more thing before I sign off. We got a dog. A miniature Beagle. We call her Daisy. She will be a great companion for me until my Angel comes home. Everyone, continue to send out good vibes that this house will find its new owners soon. I can't deal with this limbo shit anymore.We just want to be able to move on with our lives. It that too much to ask??!
Since I lost my job in March I have been on unemployment. I had been seeking employment here in the Leavenworth area, but could find nothing that would pay enough for us to live on. Sometime in June, Beau and I began to toy with the idea of moving to Oklahoma. It wasn't really meant to be a serious discussion. Just more of a passing comment. But, just for gits and shiggles, Beau talked to one of his bosses about their Oklahoma offices and would there be any work for him down there. Again, not really expecting a serious discussion. But lo and behold, it just so happened that the District Supervisor for the OK offices had just been fired and they needed a good replacement. Really?? Hmmm. "What are the chances you would consider me?"
Turns out the chances were better than good and the higher ups were absolutely thrilled about the prospect. They have a great deal of respect and admiration for him and just about jumped at the chance. So, ok... now we really ARE moving to OK. My best friend and his family live in Stillwater OK (Which is what prompted the first discussion to begin with.) So, it only made sense for us, that if we are moving all the way to OK, living in Stillwater was the only way to go. So we put the house up for sale and set out to find a new house in Stillwater. That was the beginning of August. Since then we have packed up most of our stuff, gotten rid of our sofa and loveseat and crossed our fingers everyday that this would be the day we got "the phonecall". We have had several people looking, but so far no reasonable offers. We have done a lot of painting and redoing of floors and general maintenance to make the place more appealing, but so far, the right people have not found the house yet. Or the house has not, as of yet, found them.
Upon our trip to Stillwater in August, we found the house of our dreams. (Well, of the the small reasonable realistic dreams anyway.) It is a really cool looking 2 bedroom 4 bath (yes, I said 4), with a kitchen to die for and 424 square feet of mostly unfinished space upstairs. I know this sounds more like a nightmare than a dream, but thee is just something about this house that we fell head over heels in love with. The snag, we have to get our house sold before we can even think about bidding. Or otherwise put in a Contingent upon sale clause in the contract.
Well after we got home, we deliberated, and decided to go ahead and put in the contingency bid. So I called our realtor, she got the paperwork together, we sent the earnest check and not 2 seconds after pushing the send button on her fax machine to send us the contract, her colleague walked into her office and stated "Oh, did you hear, that house on Will Rogers just went under contingency." We had been snaked out!!!!!! By another contingent!!! *sigh*
Broken hearted and with tears in my eyes, I called Beau and told him of this. Oh well, to be honest, we really needed that $500.00 earnest money to pay bills anyway. But, that was so not the point. Looking back, it would not have worked anyway, as here we are 2 full months later and still no offers on our current home.
Oh but wait there's more! About 2 weeks ago or so, I got an email from our OK realtor. "There were some title problems with the house you guys wanted, and the buyers cannot wait for them to fix it. They backed out. The current owners are going to get the problem fixed before they put it back on the market." The house is waiting for US!!! This is the second time a buyer has backed out. So the house KNOWS who is supposed to live there!! But, we are still in the same boat, "no selly no buyee". But, the traffic of lookers has picked up significantly. I suppose it is just a matter of time before the house picks its new owners.
Meantime, Beau's bosses need him to start work, so they have sent him to OK for 2 weeks. 2 WHOLE WEEKS!!! They made arrangements for a hotel, and he can visit with our friends on the weekend. That way he won't get too lonely and he can do his laundry too. But I hate this. He left this morning at 10. I didn't think I was going to, but as soon as he drove away, I started to cry. I am going to miss him so much. Luckily I have returned to working. I got a job a couple of weeks ago, just in the nick of time as my unemployment ran out. I sell carpet. I really enjoy this job too, which kinda sux because I know I cannot keep it. Oh well. We do what we gotta do in this life to take care of ourselves.
One more thing before I sign off. We got a dog. A miniature Beagle. We call her Daisy. She will be a great companion for me until my Angel comes home. Everyone, continue to send out good vibes that this house will find its new owners soon. I can't deal with this limbo shit anymore.We just want to be able to move on with our lives. It that too much to ask??!
Saturday, May 08, 2004
Homeward bound
Well, I just booked a round trip flight to Oxnard. I couldn't be more excited about it!!! Unfortunately my hubby cannot go with me and that makes us both very sad. But, I get to see my mom and dad, and I was in so much denial about how much I have missed them. Not to mention the kids! My niece and nephews. My older brothers 3 kids. Shandi, the oldest, and the only girl, will be 16 in June. Joshua, the middle, turned 14 in October and Nathan, the baby, just turned 12 in April.
When I was still living in Cali, I was these kids secondary caregiver. That is to say, I was the daycare. I took care of them while my brother and sister in law went to work each day. I changed their diapers, I made their breakfasts and lunches and I felt as though I was making a difference in their lives. Shandi was only 5 when I left California. Now she is about to turn 16. I have missed so much of their lives. 10th birthdays, lost teeth, first report cards, first crushes, baseball and basketball games and swim meets. The more i think about this, the more sad I become. I am not unhappy with my life now. I love my husband with all my heart and he loves me. We have built a great life together, and I am looking forward to all that lies ahead. But, I have always regretted missing them grow up. Those kids are so much a part of my heart. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have kids of my own. I will probably implode. :-)
Hopefully I will know what it means very soon. The oldest, Shandi, could not pronounce my name when she was growing up, so it came out "Deedee". This is what they all call me, and always have. Though they spell it "Dede". So Aunt Dede it was, and is. Anyway, I can't wait to see them. If I win the lottery I am moving back to Cali. Unfortunately that it what it would take. It costs a fortune to live there now. So I am stuck here in the midwest. Kansas of all places. Who would have thought that this Valley Girl would end up in Kansas??
Anyway, I will leave on the 2nd of July and return on the 10th. I am so excited about this trip, that part of me is already sad about coming back. I'm a weird.
When I was still living in Cali, I was these kids secondary caregiver. That is to say, I was the daycare. I took care of them while my brother and sister in law went to work each day. I changed their diapers, I made their breakfasts and lunches and I felt as though I was making a difference in their lives. Shandi was only 5 when I left California. Now she is about to turn 16. I have missed so much of their lives. 10th birthdays, lost teeth, first report cards, first crushes, baseball and basketball games and swim meets. The more i think about this, the more sad I become. I am not unhappy with my life now. I love my husband with all my heart and he loves me. We have built a great life together, and I am looking forward to all that lies ahead. But, I have always regretted missing them grow up. Those kids are so much a part of my heart. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have kids of my own. I will probably implode. :-)
Hopefully I will know what it means very soon. The oldest, Shandi, could not pronounce my name when she was growing up, so it came out "Deedee". This is what they all call me, and always have. Though they spell it "Dede". So Aunt Dede it was, and is. Anyway, I can't wait to see them. If I win the lottery I am moving back to Cali. Unfortunately that it what it would take. It costs a fortune to live there now. So I am stuck here in the midwest. Kansas of all places. Who would have thought that this Valley Girl would end up in Kansas??
Anyway, I will leave on the 2nd of July and return on the 10th. I am so excited about this trip, that part of me is already sad about coming back. I'm a weird.
Friday, April 30, 2004
My exciting life... a day's review
Woke up to the thunder clap.
Stumbled to the bathroom to pee.
Stumbled to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee...one sweet and low with milk.
Went down to the living room to watch the news for a bit.
Started a load of laundry.
Made the bed.
Took a shower.
Switched the laundry, then decided to rearrange the bedroom closet. It looks good!
Sorted through my socks and chonies, throwing out the old and worn out.
Much to my chagrin I have a revelation that my husband is right, socks do fit better if you fold them rather than ball them. Besides, I also discovered that if you leave socks in a ball long enough, it stretches out the elastic, and then you have to throw them away. But mostly, I just hate to admit he was right.
*sigh*
Chatted with Steph for a few minutes.
Put away more laundry... started the last load (it is drying now).
Ate some lunch (sammich and cheesy rice washed down with a grape soda).
Now typing this boring blog entry while also watching/listening to the Ellen show. WOW, someone found this lady's cat after 7 years!! Ellen gives the lady some new cat toys to take home to her long lost pussy.
Future plans:
Put the dishes away.
Put away the last load of laundry.
Vacuum the carpets.
Watch Oprah.
Wipe down various surfaces.
Start dinner.
Greet hubby home from work.
Eat dinner.
Watch hubby play Pokemon video game.
Go to bed.
I just can't stand all the excitement. Now, I have no idea what I will do tomorrow. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.
Stumbled to the bathroom to pee.
Stumbled to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee...one sweet and low with milk.
Went down to the living room to watch the news for a bit.
Started a load of laundry.
Made the bed.
Took a shower.
Switched the laundry, then decided to rearrange the bedroom closet. It looks good!
Sorted through my socks and chonies, throwing out the old and worn out.
Much to my chagrin I have a revelation that my husband is right, socks do fit better if you fold them rather than ball them. Besides, I also discovered that if you leave socks in a ball long enough, it stretches out the elastic, and then you have to throw them away. But mostly, I just hate to admit he was right.
*sigh*
Chatted with Steph for a few minutes.
Put away more laundry... started the last load (it is drying now).
Ate some lunch (sammich and cheesy rice washed down with a grape soda).
Now typing this boring blog entry while also watching/listening to the Ellen show. WOW, someone found this lady's cat after 7 years!! Ellen gives the lady some new cat toys to take home to her long lost pussy.
Future plans:
Put the dishes away.
Put away the last load of laundry.
Vacuum the carpets.
Watch Oprah.
Wipe down various surfaces.
Start dinner.
Greet hubby home from work.
Eat dinner.
Watch hubby play Pokemon video game.
Go to bed.
I just can't stand all the excitement. Now, I have no idea what I will do tomorrow. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.
Rain today, then cleared... then rained again
I awoke this morning to a very loud crash of thunder. Not the best way to wake up, but I do love a good T-Storm. OK, so maybe I am a little weird, but I am a bit of a severe weather junkie. T-Storms, blizzards, hail storms and yes even Tornadoes. I know tornadoes tend to scare the hell outta people. With good reason. This weekend last year several devastating tornadoes swept through Leavenworth county and the surrounding areas causing a great deal of destruction. Of course I wouldn't want anything like this to happen again.
I think I just enjoy the energy that comes from storms like this. Just keep them in open fields away from people! So, anyway it has been raining all day so far, and the forecast calls for more rain, perhaps even into tomorrow.
It's so green outside, and everything looks so clean and crisp. Oh and the smell! Sweet and earthy. I wish it could be bottled up and saved for the hellish summer that lay ahead. *sigh* But alas, I know it won't last, so I will enjoy every second of it while it is here.Take time to stop and smell the world!
I think I just enjoy the energy that comes from storms like this. Just keep them in open fields away from people! So, anyway it has been raining all day so far, and the forecast calls for more rain, perhaps even into tomorrow.
It's so green outside, and everything looks so clean and crisp. Oh and the smell! Sweet and earthy. I wish it could be bottled up and saved for the hellish summer that lay ahead. *sigh* But alas, I know it won't last, so I will enjoy every second of it while it is here.Take time to stop and smell the world!
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Springtime for Hitler
Springtime for Hitler
by Ville
Last night Butterflydeb and I went to see the musical "The Producers" at the Kansas City Music Hall. She had won the tickets from her fave radio station. How cool that she picked me to go with her! Opening night no less!
Well, we went last night. What a blast! For those of you unfamiliar with the material, "The Producers" is a Mel Brooks movie made in 1968, starring Gene Wilder and Zero Mostel. They portray Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom, 2 lonely desperate souls who meet by chance, then cook up a scheme to make millions by producing the WORST show ever to be done on Broadway. The script they find is offensive and ridiculous to say the least. They set off to hire the worst director and the most inexperienced actors. Whats the name of the musical?? "Springtime for Hitler" of course. A play written by a delusional ex-SS who insists that Hitler was a kind and misunderstood man, and that, of course, Germany WON!
This musical within the musical has to be the funniest 15 minute scene set to music that I have ever seen! Keeping in mind that this is Mel Brooks, the entire musical was predictable, offensive and irreverent. But his tongue and cheek method of writing always seems to bring it all into perspective. That is to say, in great Brooksian style, he has a way of shouting "Get over yourself, this is funny shit!"Of course he leaves no one out, he makes fun of Jews, Germans, Gays, Blacks, Irish and in this one even little old ladyies aren't spared. But done so well, and with such humor and satire, that I would find it hard to believe if anyone could be "truly" offended.
Of course, as predicted, their sure fire flop is an unmitigated success and they both end up in Sing Sing. I hope that if any of you get the chance to see this that they do so. Deb and I had such a great time, and I was amazed at how the 3 hour production flew by! That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Monday, April 26, 2004
Another one of those days...
I've had another Cteeve day today. Not an all day thing. Beau and I did yard work this morning. He mowed, then I decided to rake up the spent grass, then together we bagged it up. After this we had our Sunday Hot Dogs (our tradition), then we headed off to Blockbuster to find a Video game. (It's what we do). As many of you know, the Blockbuster stores have video monitors all over their stores. Usually, to play the latest video release. But, today our local Blockbuster was playing the movie "Labyrinth". One of my top 5 fave movies, and also the movie that spawned the "our song" between Cteev and I. Not really a romantic kind of thing, but a symbol of our friendship. The lyrics are... Please forgive the size of the font as I cut and pasted.
As the world falls down
There's such a sad love
Deep in your eyes, a kind of pale jewel
Open and close
Within the sky I'll place the sky within your eyes
There's such a fooled heart
Beating so fast in search of new dreams
A love that will last within your heart
I'll place the moon within your heart
CHORUS:
As the pain sweeps through
Makes no sense for you
Every thrill is gone
Wasn't too much fun at all
But I'll be there for you
As the world falls down
Falling
(As the world) Falling down
Falling in love
I'll paint you mornings of gold
I'll spin you Valentine evenings
Though we're strangers till now
We're choosing the path between the stars
I'll leave my love between the stars
CHORUS
Falling
(As the world) Falling down
Falling
As the world falls down
Falling
Falling
Falling
Falling in love
As the world falls down
Falling
Falling
Falling in love
As the world falls down
Falling
Falling
Falling
Makes no sense at all
Makes no sense to fall
For us, it truly did "make no sense to fall". I miss him, I miss him everyday of my life.
Anyway.
When I saw what was playing at Blockbuster I couldn't figure out why they were playing such an old movie. I even asked Beau "I wonder why they are playing this??" It was later , when the whole soundtrack was in my head (you know how it is) that it hit me. Cteev was talking to me. I had forgotten about "our song". He found a way to remind me and to talk to me. I have this feeling that he will not be around much longer. I mean this is the spiritual sense, although he will be present for a few more months. I was almost asleep, and he decided to get me out of bed. Typical.
More to come
As the world falls down
There's such a sad love
Deep in your eyes, a kind of pale jewel
Open and close
Within the sky I'll place the sky within your eyes
There's such a fooled heart
Beating so fast in search of new dreams
A love that will last within your heart
I'll place the moon within your heart
CHORUS:
As the pain sweeps through
Makes no sense for you
Every thrill is gone
Wasn't too much fun at all
But I'll be there for you
As the world falls down
Falling
(As the world) Falling down
Falling in love
I'll paint you mornings of gold
I'll spin you Valentine evenings
Though we're strangers till now
We're choosing the path between the stars
I'll leave my love between the stars
CHORUS
Falling
(As the world) Falling down
Falling
As the world falls down
Falling
Falling
Falling
Falling in love
As the world falls down
Falling
Falling
Falling in love
As the world falls down
Falling
Falling
Falling
Makes no sense at all
Makes no sense to fall
For us, it truly did "make no sense to fall". I miss him, I miss him everyday of my life.
Anyway.
When I saw what was playing at Blockbuster I couldn't figure out why they were playing such an old movie. I even asked Beau "I wonder why they are playing this??" It was later , when the whole soundtrack was in my head (you know how it is) that it hit me. Cteev was talking to me. I had forgotten about "our song". He found a way to remind me and to talk to me. I have this feeling that he will not be around much longer. I mean this is the spiritual sense, although he will be present for a few more months. I was almost asleep, and he decided to get me out of bed. Typical.
More to come
Thursday, April 15, 2004
An Update
I know it has been a long time since my last post. Since I was fired, I have found myself a bit withdrawn. I think if it wasn't for the Wellbutrin I may have become agoraphobic. I found that I didn't want to go out in public, for fear that everyone that I saw would know that I was fired. Weird, I know, and I keep telling my rational self that "these people don't even know me!" and who cares if they do.
Anyway, my unemployment has finally kicked in, and I am getting $$ every week. I am getting but a smidgen less than I did while I was working at ACME. So, it's all good. For now. I know that I will have to go back the the grind someday, but I don't see anything wrong with enjoying the time off I have now. I really LOVE being a housewife. (Good god!! Did I say that??) But truly, I love taking care of my house and my husband. I get all the laundry done, I make his lunches and dinner is waiting for him when he gets home. ( Oh my gawd, I AM sick!!) :-) I never knew I was so traditional. It's quite amazing. I do admit that there are times when I am lonely and bored here alone all day, I am hoping I can find some kind of hobby to keep me occupied during the day. My dear friend Debbie suggested bowling the other day, and there is a bowling alley really close to our house. I LOVE bowling, but Beau is not fond of it, so maybe this would be a great opp for me to take it up again. Anyway, I wanted to keep you all updated on stuff, and to let you know that I am doing OK.
My good friend Steph has said that he wants to come up and stay a weekend next month, so I am looking forward to that. It will be WAY, to be able to just blow it out.
Anyway, my unemployment has finally kicked in, and I am getting $$ every week. I am getting but a smidgen less than I did while I was working at ACME. So, it's all good. For now. I know that I will have to go back the the grind someday, but I don't see anything wrong with enjoying the time off I have now. I really LOVE being a housewife. (Good god!! Did I say that??) But truly, I love taking care of my house and my husband. I get all the laundry done, I make his lunches and dinner is waiting for him when he gets home. ( Oh my gawd, I AM sick!!) :-) I never knew I was so traditional. It's quite amazing. I do admit that there are times when I am lonely and bored here alone all day, I am hoping I can find some kind of hobby to keep me occupied during the day. My dear friend Debbie suggested bowling the other day, and there is a bowling alley really close to our house. I LOVE bowling, but Beau is not fond of it, so maybe this would be a great opp for me to take it up again. Anyway, I wanted to keep you all updated on stuff, and to let you know that I am doing OK.
My good friend Steph has said that he wants to come up and stay a weekend next month, so I am looking forward to that. It will be WAY, to be able to just blow it out.
Thursday, March 18, 2004
The Axe Falleth
Well, I went into work yesterday after having been gone Monday and Tuesday due to what I can only describe to you as a severe cold (still sick as a dog I might add), and much to my surprise, The LongBob fired me. I cannot express to you my shock!! I couldn't even say a word. I just stared at him blankly for a few seconds and then proceeded to pack up my stuff. I never in a million saw this coming. I know he did this because I had already told him I was quitting. My 2 day absence was just his perfect excuse.
He said "When you aren't here, Nicole has to pick up your slack." He said more but to be honest with you, I don't remember what he said as I was locked into some strange surreal world at the time. I am still in shock I think, but it is beginning to wear off.
Beau pointed out yesterday, "How stupid, if Nicole has to work harder because you aren't there, how much harder will she have to work now?" Good point. I can assure you though, that Nicole had nothing to do with this. Its his M.O. He wants me to think that Nicole complained. He won't come right out and say that, because it isn't true, but he wanted to insinuate this nonetheless. Makes it easier on him to think it was someone else's problem, not that he is just a 2 faced invertebrate.
Here are the real reasons he fired me:
You have all probably known someone like this in your life. As easy going and nice as can be when you are in the room, and then slams you to others as soon as you turn your back. All I have ever asked of him is that he come to ME if he has a problem with something I am doing. But he refuses. He tells others in the office, hoping they will say something to me. He has done the same to me, telling me about how so and so needs to shape up, or whatever. But never telling so and so anything. How are we supposed to know how to better ourselves if we don't know we are making mistakes???? Its sooooooo fucking stupid!!! He knows I have house payments, bills etc... But no compassion. How does he sleep at night?
So, I'm freaking out a little bit. My pendulum swinging sharply between relief and anxiety. It's no secret I wanted out of there. But I wanted that decision to be on my terms. I guess he couldn't handle that either. I have applied for unemployment. I did that first thing, but that takes like 4 weeks to kick in. But, as I am going through my bills and shit, it will be tight, but we will be ok. My final check from ACME goes through tomorrow, as well as Beaus check. We still have a little bit in savings, and I just got off the phone with Beau who informed me that he got Senior Agent of the Month for February, and that comes with a bonus.
We are quitting smoking soon, which will save us quite a bit per month, and I am not driving 66 miles a day, which will save in gas ($1.72 per gallon here now!). By the end of four weeks I will either be drawing unemployment, or I will once again have a paycheck. Right now I have to get over this bad nasty head cold. So I am planning on getting as much rest as I can and doing some stuff around the house that I have not had time for. So don't worry, we will be fine. I just wanted to let y'all know what was happening.
He said "When you aren't here, Nicole has to pick up your slack." He said more but to be honest with you, I don't remember what he said as I was locked into some strange surreal world at the time. I am still in shock I think, but it is beginning to wear off.
Beau pointed out yesterday, "How stupid, if Nicole has to work harder because you aren't there, how much harder will she have to work now?" Good point. I can assure you though, that Nicole had nothing to do with this. Its his M.O. He wants me to think that Nicole complained. He won't come right out and say that, because it isn't true, but he wanted to insinuate this nonetheless. Makes it easier on him to think it was someone else's problem, not that he is just a 2 faced invertebrate.
Here are the real reasons he fired me:
- I'm quitting anyway and he thinks people that quit are somehow betraying him. (I have known him long enough to know this to be true)
- Even if I wasn't leaving, he know I am planning on getting pregnant. Something he sees as a bother.
- Quarterly bonuses are due, and why give a bonus to someone who is leaving.
You have all probably known someone like this in your life. As easy going and nice as can be when you are in the room, and then slams you to others as soon as you turn your back. All I have ever asked of him is that he come to ME if he has a problem with something I am doing. But he refuses. He tells others in the office, hoping they will say something to me. He has done the same to me, telling me about how so and so needs to shape up, or whatever. But never telling so and so anything. How are we supposed to know how to better ourselves if we don't know we are making mistakes???? Its sooooooo fucking stupid!!! He knows I have house payments, bills etc... But no compassion. How does he sleep at night?
So, I'm freaking out a little bit. My pendulum swinging sharply between relief and anxiety. It's no secret I wanted out of there. But I wanted that decision to be on my terms. I guess he couldn't handle that either. I have applied for unemployment. I did that first thing, but that takes like 4 weeks to kick in. But, as I am going through my bills and shit, it will be tight, but we will be ok. My final check from ACME goes through tomorrow, as well as Beaus check. We still have a little bit in savings, and I just got off the phone with Beau who informed me that he got Senior Agent of the Month for February, and that comes with a bonus.
We are quitting smoking soon, which will save us quite a bit per month, and I am not driving 66 miles a day, which will save in gas ($1.72 per gallon here now!). By the end of four weeks I will either be drawing unemployment, or I will once again have a paycheck. Right now I have to get over this bad nasty head cold. So I am planning on getting as much rest as I can and doing some stuff around the house that I have not had time for. So don't worry, we will be fine. I just wanted to let y'all know what was happening.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Rocky Mountain High
I had a conversation yesterday with a co-worker who is planning a vacation to Colorado this summer. I started telling her about all the wonderful things to do and see. I realized about 5 minutes into the conversation that I had actually sort of perked up when I was talking about it. I guess I hadn't really realized how much I loved living there. Or how much I missed it. I found myself saying out loud, "Jeez, one would wonder why I ever left".
The reason I did leave was that at the time, I had nothing to stay there for. My now ex-husband and I had split up, my best friend Steph had moved back to California and I was working at McDonald's, which was hardly a career. So, I up and moved to Kansas with a girl I knew and we got an apartment in Overland Park, Kansas. It was cheaper to live here and I knew a few people out here. So at the time it made sense.
Of course, the REAL reason I moved here was to meet the love of my life. Though I didn't know it at the time. Now, several years later, the love of my life and I are now married and have bought a house. So I guess we really did put down roots here. I don't mind Kansas too much. Though we have very few friends here, (good friends!) and there is nothing of beauty to reference to. What I mean by that, is that in California we had the beaches and the mountains, in Colorado there is of course the Rocky Mountains, not to mention all the great tangible history that resides all around you.
This morning on the way to work while surfing the stations on my stereo, there was some redneck proclaiming in a loud voice, "2nd annual cow pie tossing contest and barn dance!!" The first words out of my mouth were "Holy crap, what the f%^$ am I DOING here???!! I love my house, and I love the life that my husband and I are building together, but more and more I find myself not wanting to be in Kansas.
It is not my intention to insult anyone who is from Kansas. It has it's good points, just like anywhere, and it has it's bad points, just like anywhere. But I don't belong here. I don't belong in a place where every other radio station is country music. I don't belong in a place that broadcasts Christian "services" on the #1 rock and roll station on Sunday mornings. I don't belong in a Republican conservative state that tells me I cannot buy beer on Sundays (yes, yes, I know it is changing, but it should have NEVER been a law to begin with.) I don't belong in a state where tractor pulls are the best thing happening on a Saturday afternoon and cow pie tossing contests, well, where cow pie tossing contests even EXIST! Like I said, no offense to anyone who grew up here, but this is just not who I am.
Perhaps this is a mood that will pass. This time of year always makes me think of home. Cool breezy evenings sitting around the fire pit in my friend's back yard, drinking wine and indulging in nature's herb. Singing silly songs without the thought that it would ever end. Or the days that The Berg and I would drive to Boulder to drink beer at one of the many sidewalk cafes, and people watch. Oh we had so much fun.
So as I write this, I am struck with a thought that perhaps, and probably, it is not the places I am missing, but the people. I miss my friends. I miss the weekends that turned into weeks. I miss Cteev farting on my head. I miss Lisa and I getting together for our candy buffet. I miss Dave Reeds big cheesy grin. I miss Paul Boat's droll sense of humor. (It's just not the same in an e-mail.) I miss being able to jump in my car and be at Berg's house in 20 minutes. *Sigh* I hope you will forgive my lamenting. More of a rambling I guess, just to get this out of my head. Anyway, this too, like all things, shall pass.
The reason I did leave was that at the time, I had nothing to stay there for. My now ex-husband and I had split up, my best friend Steph had moved back to California and I was working at McDonald's, which was hardly a career. So, I up and moved to Kansas with a girl I knew and we got an apartment in Overland Park, Kansas. It was cheaper to live here and I knew a few people out here. So at the time it made sense.
Of course, the REAL reason I moved here was to meet the love of my life. Though I didn't know it at the time. Now, several years later, the love of my life and I are now married and have bought a house. So I guess we really did put down roots here. I don't mind Kansas too much. Though we have very few friends here, (good friends!) and there is nothing of beauty to reference to. What I mean by that, is that in California we had the beaches and the mountains, in Colorado there is of course the Rocky Mountains, not to mention all the great tangible history that resides all around you.
This morning on the way to work while surfing the stations on my stereo, there was some redneck proclaiming in a loud voice, "2nd annual cow pie tossing contest and barn dance!!" The first words out of my mouth were "Holy crap, what the f%^$ am I DOING here???!! I love my house, and I love the life that my husband and I are building together, but more and more I find myself not wanting to be in Kansas.
It is not my intention to insult anyone who is from Kansas. It has it's good points, just like anywhere, and it has it's bad points, just like anywhere. But I don't belong here. I don't belong in a place where every other radio station is country music. I don't belong in a place that broadcasts Christian "services" on the #1 rock and roll station on Sunday mornings. I don't belong in a Republican conservative state that tells me I cannot buy beer on Sundays (yes, yes, I know it is changing, but it should have NEVER been a law to begin with.) I don't belong in a state where tractor pulls are the best thing happening on a Saturday afternoon and cow pie tossing contests, well, where cow pie tossing contests even EXIST! Like I said, no offense to anyone who grew up here, but this is just not who I am.
Perhaps this is a mood that will pass. This time of year always makes me think of home. Cool breezy evenings sitting around the fire pit in my friend's back yard, drinking wine and indulging in nature's herb. Singing silly songs without the thought that it would ever end. Or the days that The Berg and I would drive to Boulder to drink beer at one of the many sidewalk cafes, and people watch. Oh we had so much fun.
So as I write this, I am struck with a thought that perhaps, and probably, it is not the places I am missing, but the people. I miss my friends. I miss the weekends that turned into weeks. I miss Cteev farting on my head. I miss Lisa and I getting together for our candy buffet. I miss Dave Reeds big cheesy grin. I miss Paul Boat's droll sense of humor. (It's just not the same in an e-mail.) I miss being able to jump in my car and be at Berg's house in 20 minutes. *Sigh* I hope you will forgive my lamenting. More of a rambling I guess, just to get this out of my head. Anyway, this too, like all things, shall pass.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Another Fart Poem - this one by Me
A fart is like a tiny cloud,
A cloud of love that you can share;
Somtimes it sneaks out silently,
and lingers in the air.
A fart is like a special gift,
For your friends all tried and true;
Sometimes it makes a mighty blast,
and makes your face turn blue.
and makes your face turn blue.
A fart is like an in-law
That shows up without letting you know;
It feels good when it gets here,
But you're glad to see it go.
A fart is like the morning dew,
As it glistens on the grass;
Cuz if you aren't careful,
It could end up on your ass.
Debzville
3-09-04
Monday, March 08, 2004
A fart poem by anonymous
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud.
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known,
To sound just like a song.
Some farts do not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger awhile.
A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, but deadly.
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairies,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of us
Sooner or later.
So be not afraid
Of the invisible gas,
For always remember,
That farts, too, shall pass.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Spring fever
We have had a few of those "pre-spring" 60 degree days here and it has given me spring fever in a big way. So much so that I have even had dreams of planting wildflowers. The birds are beginning to return which reminds me it is almost time to start filling the bird feeders again. I can't wait for the hummingbirds to come back and to be able once again to sit out side on the deck and enjoy the sunshine with my morning coffee.
The sun is beginning to rise earlier and set later. As it streams through the cracks of the blinds in my kitchen in the morning, I can hear the cardinals singing as though their songs are somehow the cause of the sunrise. Even my cat seems to have more energy. Early in the morning just after I get out of bed she runs around frantically, chasing imaginary creatures around the house. Eyes wide like two black marbles. This morning she raced down the stairs to the basement, where I was having my morning ciggy, and made an appetizer out of some poor unsuspecting beetle. When she was finished she proceeded to stalk around, presumably looking for another tiny treat. As if you couldn't already tell, I am really looking forward to Spring.
Spring has always been my favorite season. The blanket of winter depression seems to fade away with the snow, and my senses become alive again. The smell of fresh cut grass, the sound of hundreds of types of birds singing as though they sing for me alone. Baby animals begin to emerge on wobbly legs, the green buds of leaves poking delicately from the branches of refreshed and well rested trees and thousands of flowers begin to once again share their colors with us, as though presenting us with a gift for our patience through winters greys and whites. One more month until Spring officially begins. Many years ago, it was tradition, for Cteev, Dave Reed and I to play hooky on the first day of spring, I think perhaps I may bring that tradition back this year. Oh and one more thing, Spring makes me so horny!!
The sun is beginning to rise earlier and set later. As it streams through the cracks of the blinds in my kitchen in the morning, I can hear the cardinals singing as though their songs are somehow the cause of the sunrise. Even my cat seems to have more energy. Early in the morning just after I get out of bed she runs around frantically, chasing imaginary creatures around the house. Eyes wide like two black marbles. This morning she raced down the stairs to the basement, where I was having my morning ciggy, and made an appetizer out of some poor unsuspecting beetle. When she was finished she proceeded to stalk around, presumably looking for another tiny treat. As if you couldn't already tell, I am really looking forward to Spring.
Spring has always been my favorite season. The blanket of winter depression seems to fade away with the snow, and my senses become alive again. The smell of fresh cut grass, the sound of hundreds of types of birds singing as though they sing for me alone. Baby animals begin to emerge on wobbly legs, the green buds of leaves poking delicately from the branches of refreshed and well rested trees and thousands of flowers begin to once again share their colors with us, as though presenting us with a gift for our patience through winters greys and whites. One more month until Spring officially begins. Many years ago, it was tradition, for Cteev, Dave Reed and I to play hooky on the first day of spring, I think perhaps I may bring that tradition back this year. Oh and one more thing, Spring makes me so horny!!
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Relief
Well, I did it. I wrote my letter of resignation today. It's a 4 month notice, which may seem a little extreme, but it is still like a huge weight has been lifted, just knowing its temporary. There are a couple of reasons for the wait though. Besides wanting to stay through my anniversary date, this should also be plenty of time to train whoever will be replacing me.
Normally I wouldn't be so concerned, but our company is going through a software change, and the new person will have to go to our Ft. Worth offices for training. There are a lot of little details that are associated with this new system, and as much as I have grown to dislike my job, I still don't want to leave the next person with the kind of rats nest that I was left with. I had no training to speak of when I took this desk, so I see no reason to do the same to the next guy.
The letter is sitting on Bob's desk. I was trying to get my guts up to go hand it to him this morning and tell him what I was planning. But, sometimes I can be a real chicken shit. It's not that I am afraid to quit, it's just that, regardless of how it has been around here for the past few months, there was a time when I really looked up to him. The good outweighs the bad as far as history goes. So anyway, it's almost like telling your parents you are moving out. You are not sure if they will be relieved or disappointed, or both. So I took the wussie road and left it on his desk. We will see if he even says anything after he reads it.
Anywhoo, I just wanted to post an update.
Normally I wouldn't be so concerned, but our company is going through a software change, and the new person will have to go to our Ft. Worth offices for training. There are a lot of little details that are associated with this new system, and as much as I have grown to dislike my job, I still don't want to leave the next person with the kind of rats nest that I was left with. I had no training to speak of when I took this desk, so I see no reason to do the same to the next guy.
The letter is sitting on Bob's desk. I was trying to get my guts up to go hand it to him this morning and tell him what I was planning. But, sometimes I can be a real chicken shit. It's not that I am afraid to quit, it's just that, regardless of how it has been around here for the past few months, there was a time when I really looked up to him. The good outweighs the bad as far as history goes. So anyway, it's almost like telling your parents you are moving out. You are not sure if they will be relieved or disappointed, or both. So I took the wussie road and left it on his desk. We will see if he even says anything after he reads it.
Anywhoo, I just wanted to post an update.
Monday, February 09, 2004
The mites on fleas on rats...
Well, I have made a decision regarding my present job. I am going to TRY and suck it up till June. My anniversary date is June 14. So my plan is to put in my 2 weeks on June 1st. This way I will get a full 2 weeks pay for my vacation time. This way I will also have more time to truly dedicate myself to looking for other employment. Right now I travel more than 30 miles one way to work. As I want to find something within a 10 mile radius from my home, so as to save on gas consumption.It is very difficult to actively look while I am still working here. Also, it will be warmer. So I have decided that it would be in my best interest to not give a rats ass. But that would be to good for this place. Now I don't give a fart from a mite on a flea on a rat's ass. Hopefully I can make it till June. As usual I will keep you updated.
Saturday, February 07, 2004
Terrorism and my own backyard
For most of us, I imagine, we don't really think about terrorist threats in relation to our own personal lives. As for myself I watch the news and hear about threats against senators and post offices. While these are causes for slight concern, I usually never think twice about them. I bring this up because when I came into work this morning, I was informed that our office received a "suspicious" piece of mail. (I was not in the office due to heavy snow.)
Anyway, the boss got this envelope, which was addressed only to ACME Brick, at this address. No return address on the envelope. Which isn't that unusual, but Bob (thats the boss) just happened to hold it up to the light, just to see if it was something worth opening, or whatever. Through the envelope the only word he could see, in bold letters was ANTHRAX. Apparently he could also make out "Nation of Islam" through the back of the envelope. He immediately called the police, who in turn contacted hazmat. Before long the place was swarming with cops, firemen and various other forms of hazmat crew. The envelope was placed into a plastic bag and taken to a testing facility.
As far as I know, we do not have any results back confirming or denying the presence of any Anthrax. The FBI are supposed to come in today and question all of us to find out if we know of anyone that could possibly want to do us harm. I cannot think of a soul. We do have a few Middle Eastern customers, so of course these are the names that are flying around the office. This in itself really pisses me off. So I reminded a few of them about all the innocent Japanese families that were put into concentration camps during WW2, only for the simple fact that they were Japanese.
Don't get me wrong, I of course take this very seriously, but we are in the middle of a war with a country that was attacked by a president that made the same reactionary assumption. If they are Middle Eastern, they are terrorists. We have terrorism right here in this country that he ignores every day. In the form of street gangs and so called legal organizations like the KKK.
Anyway I am off the subject. What really kinda scares me, is that if I had been here, I would have gotten the mail (like I always do ) and I probably would have just ripped it open. I can tell you that from now on I will be a bit more cautious about that.
Anyway, the boss got this envelope, which was addressed only to ACME Brick, at this address. No return address on the envelope. Which isn't that unusual, but Bob (thats the boss) just happened to hold it up to the light, just to see if it was something worth opening, or whatever. Through the envelope the only word he could see, in bold letters was ANTHRAX. Apparently he could also make out "Nation of Islam" through the back of the envelope. He immediately called the police, who in turn contacted hazmat. Before long the place was swarming with cops, firemen and various other forms of hazmat crew. The envelope was placed into a plastic bag and taken to a testing facility.
As far as I know, we do not have any results back confirming or denying the presence of any Anthrax. The FBI are supposed to come in today and question all of us to find out if we know of anyone that could possibly want to do us harm. I cannot think of a soul. We do have a few Middle Eastern customers, so of course these are the names that are flying around the office. This in itself really pisses me off. So I reminded a few of them about all the innocent Japanese families that were put into concentration camps during WW2, only for the simple fact that they were Japanese.
Don't get me wrong, I of course take this very seriously, but we are in the middle of a war with a country that was attacked by a president that made the same reactionary assumption. If they are Middle Eastern, they are terrorists. We have terrorism right here in this country that he ignores every day. In the form of street gangs and so called legal organizations like the KKK.
Anyway I am off the subject. What really kinda scares me, is that if I had been here, I would have gotten the mail (like I always do ) and I probably would have just ripped it open. I can tell you that from now on I will be a bit more cautious about that.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Working stiffly
For the most part I really like my job, but recently it has come to light what a 2 faced, spineless, underhanded (did I mention 2-faced) liar my boss is. One of those that will smile and joke with you to your face, and then make snide back biting comments to others about you. He simply doesn't want to take responsibility for the things he knows he has f'd up. So instead he finds some way to blame it on me. Stupid thing is, he is making these remarks to Nicole, who is my best work buddy. I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say that she and I are both fed up with this childish high school behavior, and I have a feeling this will come to a showdown.
Of course, he will deny he ever said the things he has said. Its ridiculous!! He is 56 friggin years old and he is acting like a 16 year old school girl. The hardest part about this is that I have been here for almost 4 years and I never saw it before. Maybe he is going through andropause, or maybe I just didn't want to see it before. Either way, it is intolerable and I find it increasingly difficult to work for him. I used to have a great deal of respect for this man. But lately, I lose a little more respect for him every day. That's the worst part I think. That and the fact that he will not face me directly with these accusations of his. He will tell Nicole about all these things that he thinks I am doing wrong, or not doing, or whatever, yet when faced with me directly he doesn't say a word about them. It's positively insufferable. Besides the fact that the things he is "accusing" me of, are not rue and he is only trying to cover his ass.
Like this for example: I have been in charge of our collections for the most part, which means there are certain legal actions I can take to collect money. Like filing property liens. There are a few accounts with big money on them that are way out there in the past due mark. Accounts that months ago he specifically told me that he would take care of and NOT file liens on.
Suddenly now, HIS BOSS wants to know why these are not taken care of, and why there were no liens filed. Rather than own up to the fact that he told me not to, he has decided rather to talk shit about how I should have filed these liens and its MY fault he is getting his ass chewed. He has a very selective memory. I have brought these accounts to his attention on more than one occasion only to hear, "I'll take care of this one" or some other bullshit. Just last week I brought one up to him again, guess what he said?? "Oh well, I have spoken to so and so, and then to so and so, and then you know, I just forget to follow up. I'll take care of it." OH!!! So you FORGOT!!?? How the hell is that my fault you fucking 2-faced spineless prick! I think I know what the real crux of the problem is though.
I think he is intimidated by me. He knows I have a stronger personality, he knows I am more intelligent, and he knows I won't take any shit. So he would rather try to make me look bad than own up to the fact that I ( who was born without a penis) could possibly have a more Alpha personality than he does. Fucking good old boy's club.
Now that Beau is at his own office and seems to be doing really well, maybe I can really seriously look for another job. Something closer to home.I will keep you posted on that.For now, I have to get back to work for the prick head.
Of course, he will deny he ever said the things he has said. Its ridiculous!! He is 56 friggin years old and he is acting like a 16 year old school girl. The hardest part about this is that I have been here for almost 4 years and I never saw it before. Maybe he is going through andropause, or maybe I just didn't want to see it before. Either way, it is intolerable and I find it increasingly difficult to work for him. I used to have a great deal of respect for this man. But lately, I lose a little more respect for him every day. That's the worst part I think. That and the fact that he will not face me directly with these accusations of his. He will tell Nicole about all these things that he thinks I am doing wrong, or not doing, or whatever, yet when faced with me directly he doesn't say a word about them. It's positively insufferable. Besides the fact that the things he is "accusing" me of, are not rue and he is only trying to cover his ass.
Like this for example: I have been in charge of our collections for the most part, which means there are certain legal actions I can take to collect money. Like filing property liens. There are a few accounts with big money on them that are way out there in the past due mark. Accounts that months ago he specifically told me that he would take care of and NOT file liens on.
Suddenly now, HIS BOSS wants to know why these are not taken care of, and why there were no liens filed. Rather than own up to the fact that he told me not to, he has decided rather to talk shit about how I should have filed these liens and its MY fault he is getting his ass chewed. He has a very selective memory. I have brought these accounts to his attention on more than one occasion only to hear, "I'll take care of this one" or some other bullshit. Just last week I brought one up to him again, guess what he said?? "Oh well, I have spoken to so and so, and then to so and so, and then you know, I just forget to follow up. I'll take care of it." OH!!! So you FORGOT!!?? How the hell is that my fault you fucking 2-faced spineless prick! I think I know what the real crux of the problem is though.
I think he is intimidated by me. He knows I have a stronger personality, he knows I am more intelligent, and he knows I won't take any shit. So he would rather try to make me look bad than own up to the fact that I ( who was born without a penis) could possibly have a more Alpha personality than he does. Fucking good old boy's club.
Now that Beau is at his own office and seems to be doing really well, maybe I can really seriously look for another job. Something closer to home.I will keep you posted on that.For now, I have to get back to work for the prick head.
Sunday, January 25, 2004
PS and FYI
For those of you who do not know, under the blog window, at the bottom of each post there is a place for you to leave any comments about that particular post. Funny enough it says "Make a comment". Its a tiny "link". Just click on it and scroll down if need be, there will be a place that has your nickname in it and a box for you to type in. I didn't know about this until just recently. So I thought I would pass it on, just in case. Anywhoo, hope to hear from you.
BTW Steph, is there a friggin spell check in here somewhere??
BTW Steph, is there a friggin spell check in here somewhere??
Expanding the family
Upon much discussion and a few tears, my husband and I have decided to start trying to get pregnant in May of this year. There are many factors regarding this decision. One of them being that if I get preg in May or June, then I won't be going through hot flashes and shit like that in the middle of the hottest summer months. Also, this will give me time to begin to prepare my body, taking the proper vitamins, getting some exersize and hopefully shedding a few pounds. All of which will help to ensure a healthy pregnancy. Also this would mean the baby would arrive in a bout a year from now. Time to get finances under control and to do research on daycare etc...
Whew, there sure is a lot to think about. My age is a consideration as well, no matter how perfect everything goes, I am considered high risk simply for being over 35. As well as having been diagnosed with uterine fibroid tumors a few years ago. Luckily the little buggers are on the outside of the uterus. This drops the chances of complications by like 75 to 80%. I'm not saying they are not a concern, but I do think I am more concerned than I need to be. I have an appointment with a new OB/GYN next month. Hopefully she will be able to let me know exactly what my concerns should be and get me going on what to do about them. There is no cure for these little bastards, but there are certain kinds of therapies available. More than likely we will just leave them be.
The more I think about all this, the more excited I get. I knew almost from the moment I met Beau that I wanted to have his child. Something I never thought I wanted before. I know now that it wasn't that I didn't want to have kids, but that I didn't want to have kids with Michael (thats the ex). It's funny how being with the right person makes all the difference in the world. I love my husband so much, and having a baby with him is just another way for us to share our love. The love we have for one another is abundant, and there is more than enough to share. Our little love cups overfloweth like crazy! I imagine that with a child in our family, we will be swimming in all that beautiful squishy green love goo. LOL Nice visual huh??
Whew, there sure is a lot to think about. My age is a consideration as well, no matter how perfect everything goes, I am considered high risk simply for being over 35. As well as having been diagnosed with uterine fibroid tumors a few years ago. Luckily the little buggers are on the outside of the uterus. This drops the chances of complications by like 75 to 80%. I'm not saying they are not a concern, but I do think I am more concerned than I need to be. I have an appointment with a new OB/GYN next month. Hopefully she will be able to let me know exactly what my concerns should be and get me going on what to do about them. There is no cure for these little bastards, but there are certain kinds of therapies available. More than likely we will just leave them be.
The more I think about all this, the more excited I get. I knew almost from the moment I met Beau that I wanted to have his child. Something I never thought I wanted before. I know now that it wasn't that I didn't want to have kids, but that I didn't want to have kids with Michael (thats the ex). It's funny how being with the right person makes all the difference in the world. I love my husband so much, and having a baby with him is just another way for us to share our love. The love we have for one another is abundant, and there is more than enough to share. Our little love cups overfloweth like crazy! I imagine that with a child in our family, we will be swimming in all that beautiful squishy green love goo. LOL Nice visual huh??
Friday, January 23, 2004
Late introduction
As I was driving to work today it occurred to me that I never made a proper introduction. So here goes.
My name is Debra, though most of my friends call me Ville. (It's short for Debzville). I am a 36 year-old female, married and currently living in Kansas, although I was born and lived in California until the age of 24. At that time I had just been married and my now ex-husband and I moved to Colorado, where we spent the next 5 years. In the fall of 97 we separated and I moved to Kansas City Kansas.
On Halloween of that year I met and fell in love with the man I am now married to. His name is Beau. It was love at first bite and he moved in with me immediately. We lived together for a little more than five years, then last March 3 2003. (03-03-03) we were married. It was a very intimate ceremony. Only the 2 of us and 2 of our closest friends, along with a preacher (we called him Brother Love) and his sister Ollie. The ceremony took place in the coziness of our own living room. It was perfect. I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Not long after we decided to buy a house. Now we live in Leavenworth, Kansas and are still gooey-eyed over one another. Feels as though that may never pass and I am glad.
I am an office manager for a brick company and my husband is a Senior Agent for an insurance broker. With any luck we will get pregnant sometime this year. I will keep you updated on that. Anyway, thats the gist of it. If I have left anything out I am sure my friends will be the first to chime in and add the appropriate information. I hope anyone reading this is having a good day
My name is Debra, though most of my friends call me Ville. (It's short for Debzville). I am a 36 year-old female, married and currently living in Kansas, although I was born and lived in California until the age of 24. At that time I had just been married and my now ex-husband and I moved to Colorado, where we spent the next 5 years. In the fall of 97 we separated and I moved to Kansas City Kansas.
On Halloween of that year I met and fell in love with the man I am now married to. His name is Beau. It was love at first bite and he moved in with me immediately. We lived together for a little more than five years, then last March 3 2003. (03-03-03) we were married. It was a very intimate ceremony. Only the 2 of us and 2 of our closest friends, along with a preacher (we called him Brother Love) and his sister Ollie. The ceremony took place in the coziness of our own living room. It was perfect. I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Not long after we decided to buy a house. Now we live in Leavenworth, Kansas and are still gooey-eyed over one another. Feels as though that may never pass and I am glad.
I am an office manager for a brick company and my husband is a Senior Agent for an insurance broker. With any luck we will get pregnant sometime this year. I will keep you updated on that. Anyway, thats the gist of it. If I have left anything out I am sure my friends will be the first to chime in and add the appropriate information. I hope anyone reading this is having a good day
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
November spawned a monster
I've really been missing Cteev today. I have been listening to some of my 80's stuff, and so many of the songs take on a different meaning now that he is gone. I have so many memories wrapped up in music and often I am taken back to certain moments by just hearing one. I sometimes think about how much I wish I could have spent more time with him during his last few years. I know that "woulda coulda shoulda" is futile. But I cannot help how I feel. The first year was really hard. It would nag at me constantly. I still don't know why I didn't go see him when I was in California last time. I mean I know why, but the reasons seem so petty now. If I had known that was the last opportunity I would have to see him alive, those reasons would have not even been an issue.
I don't live in the past, and I know that there is nothing I could have done to make the present any different than it is. I just have "days". These days are getting fewer and farther between, and perhaps one day the regrets will disappear altogether. But for now I just deal with them as they come. But now, as I write this I am sure I can feel him standing over my right shoulder saying, "Oh Debs, don't even worry! I was always totally stoked on you."
It'll pass. It always does.
I don't live in the past, and I know that there is nothing I could have done to make the present any different than it is. I just have "days". These days are getting fewer and farther between, and perhaps one day the regrets will disappear altogether. But for now I just deal with them as they come. But now, as I write this I am sure I can feel him standing over my right shoulder saying, "Oh Debs, don't even worry! I was always totally stoked on you."
It'll pass. It always does.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
2 steps forward...blah blah blah
I understand the phrase all too well. Every time I think we are going to get ourselves back on track again financially, something goes fucking wrong. This time it is a $500.00 mechanics bill.
Where the hell is this American dream we heard so much about?? Grr!!! Hundreds of million Americans are scraping by day to day trying to scratch out a living, and Bush wants to initiate another trip to the moon! How much will that cost us? How much did it cost to land a friggin robot on Mars? But I can't afford to buy "the good" toilet paper.
But I don't want to bitch!! I really don't. The whole thing just makes me angry and that leads to acne and stomachaches. (I got 2 good zits going right now.) LOL. I try to stay focused on the good things. I really do. Like the fact that I have finally found the one person I know I was meant to be with. That together we worked really hard to buy a home. A home that we both love. That I have the best group of "frieds" in the whole wide world, and I know that no matter what happens they will always be around.
So, from time to time I get really pissed off and frustrated at the way this country treats its own people, but deep down inside I know how lucky I am to have those people in my life. I know so many people that don't have a clue about what it really means to have true friends. And that makes me happy and sad all at the same time.
Where the hell is this American dream we heard so much about?? Grr!!! Hundreds of million Americans are scraping by day to day trying to scratch out a living, and Bush wants to initiate another trip to the moon! How much will that cost us? How much did it cost to land a friggin robot on Mars? But I can't afford to buy "the good" toilet paper.
But I don't want to bitch!! I really don't. The whole thing just makes me angry and that leads to acne and stomachaches. (I got 2 good zits going right now.) LOL. I try to stay focused on the good things. I really do. Like the fact that I have finally found the one person I know I was meant to be with. That together we worked really hard to buy a home. A home that we both love. That I have the best group of "frieds" in the whole wide world, and I know that no matter what happens they will always be around.
So, from time to time I get really pissed off and frustrated at the way this country treats its own people, but deep down inside I know how lucky I am to have those people in my life. I know so many people that don't have a clue about what it really means to have true friends. And that makes me happy and sad all at the same time.
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